5 Tips for Reconciling Different Bedroom Desires

Sex isn’t the most important part of a relationship. But, it is an important part, and your sex life can often indicate how other aspects of the relationship are going. 

So, if things have been a bit rocky because you and your partner have different bedroom desires, you might be wondering if your relationship is somehow “doomed,” or if you’ll ever be able to enjoy physical intimacy where both of you feel fulfilled. 

Your relationship doesn’t have to be on unsteady ground just because you have different wants in the bedroom. Talking about those wants and reconciling them can be a fun and interesting journey for both of you. 

Let’s cover five helpful tips you can use to make that happen so both can start to enjoy yourselves in the bedroom.

1. Practice Open Communication

It’s not always easy to open up about your sexual needs and wants. Not only can some things feel “taboo,” but it can be difficult to show vulnerability. 

Remind yourself that you’re in a safe space with your partner. Commit to openly communicating with each other — not just about your bedroom desires, but about everything. Establishing healthy communication in every area of the relationship will carry over into healthy communication about your intimate desires. 

2. Bridge the Gap

As you start to open up more, share your differing desires. When you start to discuss them more fully, they might not seem as looming as you originally thought. 

Talking about your needs and wants can help you come to a compromise and bridge the gap together. You’re likely to find common ground so you can work things into your sex life that you’ll both enjoy. 

3. Explore New Activities

Even if you aren’t able to fully immerse yourself in your partner’s current bedroom desires, that doesn’t mean you can’t explore new and different desires together. 

Talk about new activities you could try in the bedroom, or things that could help you both further explore your intimacy. It can be exciting to think about those things together, and you never know which “new” action could end up reigniting a spark in your relationship. You might even be able to find ways to incorporate each other’s desires into these new experiences so you’ll get the best of both worlds.

4. Practice Other Forms of Intimacy

Intimacy doesn’t begin and end in the bedroom. Work on building intimacy in other areas of your relationship. Focus on fostering a stronger emotional connection with your partner. Having more meaningful conversations can help with that. 

You can also choose to act like you did when you first got together, as a couple. Go on at least one date a week. Take a class together. Instead of watching television or scrolling on your phones at night, play a board game together or try something fun, like painting each other. These small actions can go a long way in boosting your emotional connection and improving intimacy in and out of the bedroom. 

5. Respect Boundaries

One of the best ways to reconcile different bedroom desires is by showing respect. Don’t get frustrated by your partner’s needs and wants or even what they’re not willing to do. 

You have to remember that you’re on the same team, even when you don’t necessarily want the same things in a sexual setting. By approaching your sex life with an undertone of respect, you’ll both feel more comfortable and cared for in the bedroom. 

Again, having different bedroom desires doesn’t mean your relationship is headed for disaster. Keep these tips in mind and don’t hesitate to work with a professional if you’re still struggling to find common ground. If you’re interested in beginning sex therapy or couples therapy, contact me to set up an appointment.