Overcoming the Fear of Sex: Can It Be Done?

Sexual intimacy isn’t the most important thing in a relationship. But, it is an important thing. It allows you and your partner to be completely vulnerable with each other and it’s something special that the two of you share. It’s natural, and when done correctly, can bring you closer together in every sense of the word. 

But, for someone with a fear of sex (genophobia), even the idea of physical intimacy can make it nearly impossible to enjoy that kind of physical closeness. 

If that sounds familiar, you’ve undoubtedly asked yourself if it’s possible to overcome your fear. While you shouldn’t push yourself to move forward until you’re completely ready, if you think you want to take that step and finally find freedom from fear, it’s possible to get the help you deserve. 

How to Tell If You Have a Fear of Sex

Having a fear of sex isn’t just about being scared to be intimate. You might even have a sexual desire for your partner, but when it comes time to act on it, anxiety takes over. With it can come a variety of negative and even harmful symptoms, including: 

• Shortness of breath

• Shaking

• Nausea

• Rapid heartbeat

Sometimes, simply the idea of sex can wreak havoc on your mind. You might have trouble sleeping at night or you might become irritable. A fear of sex can even lead to nearly constant anxiety and you might be more susceptible to panic attacks. 

What Is the Cause? 

This particular kind of fear is typically caused by life circumstances or past trauma. There isn’t one specific cause linked to genophobia. However, some of the most common culprits include past sexual assault, childhood trauma, personal insecurities, or even a fear of pain from sex. 

Maybe you’ve had negative experiences with sex in the past as an adult or you’ve been a victim of assault. Maybe you’re harboring harmful childhood memories and you haven’t allowed yourself to fully heal. None of these potential causes are your fault. However, understanding where your fear of sex stems from is often the first step to moving forward. 

Learn to Love Yourself

If you’re struggling with a fear of sex, it’s easy to let your negative thoughts take control. You might think there’s something wrong with you, which will end up fueling your insecurities even further. 

One of the best things you can do to start overcoming your fear is to learn to love yourself. Practice self-compassion by taking care of your mind and body. Ask yourself how you would treat a friend or family member going through the same thing and treat yourself with the same kindness and care as you would with them. 

Your partner can also help you. You have nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to talking about your fear. Your partner will want to help and support you and find out ways you can work together to overcome those struggles. Plus, when they know what you’re dealing with, they’re less likely to be confused or hurt if you don’t want to engage in sexual activity. Keeping them in the dark isn’t fair to your relationship. 

Reach Out for Help

Counseling or therapy is often the best way to overcome the fear of sex. A therapist will help you dig deeper into where the fear stems from. While that can be overwhelming at first, it will eventually feel very empowering knowing that you can take steps to move away from those negative experiences. 

Your fear of sex doesn’t have to define your relationship or you, as a person. If you’re ready to start the healing process, feel free to contact me.