3 Healthy Ways to Engage in Conflict

You might be looking at the title of this piece and scratching your head. You might not think of engaging in conflict as something “healthy.” Unfortunately, that’s the problem so many people have, which is why disagreements and arguments tend to spiral out of control more often than not. 

Yes, you can engage in healthy conflict. Whether it’s with a romantic partner, a friend, or a family member, there are healthy ways to disagree. When done correctly, you can not only diffuse the conflict, but you can actually strengthen your relationship. 

The best part? It’s easier to engage in healthy conflict than you might think. Let’s cover a few strategies you can use.

1. Think Before You Speak

When you’re engaged in any kind of conflict, it’s tempting to let your emotions get the best of you. Unfortunately, that often leads to people saying things they might not really mean. Or, you might say something out of anger or frustration when it isn’t really how you feel. 

If you’re in the middle of any kind of conflict and you feel yourself getting frustrated, take a step back. 

Sometimes, that’s as simple as taking a deep breath before you speak. Other times, you might need to step away from the conversation for a while. Don’t be afraid to tell the person you’re with that you don’t want to say something you don’t mean. Let them know you want some time to cool off before you continue.

2. Practice Active Listening

Everyone wants to be heard when they’re passionate about something. That includes trying to get your point across in an argument. 

But, you wouldn’t want the person you’re arguing with to talk over you or act like they’re not listening. It’s important to show the same kind of respect. A big part of engaging in healthy conflict is being an active listener. 

Don’t just “hear” what the person you’re talking to has to say. Attempt to really understand it. Ask questions. Make sure you’re hearing their point, even if you don’t agree with it. Use verbal and nonverbal cues to let them know you’re really listening.

Not only is it respectful, but it will make it easier for you to see things from their perspective. They’re likely to give you the same courtesy, in return, which can make it easier to come to some kind of resolution.

3. Work Toward an Understanding

There doesn’t need to be a “winner” and “loser” when you’re engaged in conflict. You don’t have to convince the person you’re talking to that what you think is completely right, or vice versa. 

Instead of focusing on who wins the argument, try to work toward an understanding. Maybe that means compromising somehow. It might mean agreeing to disagree, as long as you’re both willing to move forward and not hold a grudge. 

If you’re arguing with a romantic partner, family member, or friend, remember that you’re on the same team. You might not have the same views or the same way of doing things. But, at the end of the day, you want the same things. You don’t have to agree on everything, even with the people you’re closest with. If we all agreed on the same things, the world would be a pretty boring place. That’s why healthy conflict can help any kind of relationship to grow and become stronger. 

As you can see, conflict can be healthy when done the right way. Keep these tips in mind the next time you’re faced with a disagreement. You might be surprised by how well it can turn out. Keep your cool, say what you mean, and attempt to understand where the person you’re talking to is coming from. 

If you’re interested in learning more about how therapy can help your relationships, feel free to contact me for more information.

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