Allowing Yourself to be intimate: 5 Helpful Tips
Intimacy doesn’t come naturally to everyone. While we all might fantasize about perfect relationships and giving yourself completely to someone, it can be easier said than done.
First of all, no relationship is perfect. Second, vulnerability can be a challenge.
If you’ve been on a series of dates or even a few relationships that didn’t work out, you might be asking yourself why. You might even wonder if you’re the problem. If you have a hard time opening up and letting someone in, it could be a lack of intimacy that’s creating discord in your relationships.
Thankfully, there are things you can do to improve your ability to be intimate, whether you’re currently in a relationship or you want to make the most of your next one.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Sometimes, it’s difficult for people to be intimate when they’re trying to ignore or “push down” their own feelings. It’s a misconception that intimacy is only about sexual relationships. Rather, intimacy is a sense of closeness. Emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy. But, you’ll have a hard time experiencing it if you’re not being true to yourself and your feelings.
Don’t be afraid to let your emotions come to the surface, even if it’s difficult. When you’re true to yourself and your feelings, you’ll have an easier time opening up to your partner about them. That increases vulnerability and closeness.
2. Pick One Place to Start
If you’re not comfortable opening up about everything right away, create a vulnerability strategy. Start small with one thing you’re willing to share. That could include talking about a specific feeling you’ve been having that you’ve been afraid to share.
Or, you might open up about something simple that happened to you today. Small steps add up quickly and can help you realize it doesn’t hurt to be vulnerable.
3. Compliment Your Partner
Sometimes, reminding yourself of why you’re with your partner can make it easier to be intimate with them. You can accomplish that through regular compliments and daily affirmations.
Let your partner know how much they mean to you on a daily basis. That doesn’t mean you have to shower them with lavish compliments. Think about the little things they do that matter the most and share those things with them.
Not only will this help you realize that you can feel safe being vulnerable with them, but it will make them feel good and can strengthen your relationship.
4. Break Out of Your Routine
Maybe you’re struggling to be intimate because you’ve hit a plateau in your relationship.
That can happen when you’ve been with someone for a long time. It’s easy to lose sight of the things that make your relationship — and your partner — special. When you get stuck in a relationship routine, you might not see the point in opening up with your feelings.
Try things that will help you get out of that routine. Go on date nights the way you did when you first got together. Try new things together. Take a class. Travel. Even small changes to your relationship routine can make a big difference.
5. Talk to a Professional
Sometimes, you might not be sure why intimacy is a struggle. It could be something that stems from childhood. Or, a past relationship might make it difficult for you to open up in a new one.
It’s okay to admit that you have a hard time allowing yourself to be intimate. It doesn’t mean it’s a problem that has to last forever. Consider working with a therapist. Therapy can help you get to the bottom of your intimacy issues. A therapist can also make it easier to understand those issues while teaching you strategies to overcome them. Reach out to set up an appointment.
