Angry With Your Partner? Ways to Effectively Communicate During Conflict

Even the happiest, healthiest couples argue. It’s normal to feel angry with your partner sometimes. After all, you’re both just people — you’re going to make mistakes!

One of the worst things you can do in your relationship is keep your emotions to yourself. If you’re angry or upset with your partner, let them know. Don’t brush things under the rug until your feelings boil over. 

But, there are helpful and unhelpful ways to communicate during conflict. You can strengthen your relationship during arguments if you know how to “fight” effectively. Let’s cover a few ways you can improve your conflict communication, even when you’re upset. 

Take Some Time to Cool Off

You shouldn’t ignore conflict when it arises. But, if you need to take a few minutes, or even a few hours, to collect your thoughts and calm down, that’s okay. 

Let your partner know that you want to have a discussion about your disagreement. But, that you want to make sure you’re clear-headed and clam when you do. Stepping away for a short time will give you both a chance to think about the conflict and the right things to say. 

Lead with Respect

Couples in conflict often make the mistake of disrespecting their partner just to “hurt” them. It might not even be intentional. But, when you’re angry, emotions tend to take over and you might say things you regret. 

Make a commitment to argue respectfully. Remember that even when you disagree on something, you and your partner are teammates. It’s okay to have conflict, but it’s not okay to say hurtful things just because. 

Stay On Topic

Make sure that you always stay focused on the topic you’re currently arguing about. It can be tempting to bring up past hurts, but that does two things. First, it lets your partner know that you’re holding onto those conflicts. You haven’t fully forgiven them and you’re not fully moving forward. 

Second, it’s another way of hurting them — and yourself. If you’re still upset by something that happened in the past, let them know you want to discuss it at a different time, when you’re both calm and not dealing with another situation. 

Don’t Play the Blame Game

When you’re angry with your partner, you might want to hurl accusations at them. After all, they did something that made you upset, right? But, blaming them for everything will only make them defensive. They are more likely to feel like they have to fight back, and what could be a simple conflict could quickly escalate into a serious argument. 

Instead of saying things like, “You always do this,” try to use “I” statements. Tell them how their actions or words make you feel. Use specifics and be as detailed as possible, rather than using generalities. 

Again, you’re on the same team. Your partner doesn’t want to intentionally hurt you or cause you to become angry. So, when you let them know how you feel, they’ll get the message and are less likely to act the same again. 

Talk to Someone

If fighting has started to increase in your relationship, don’t automatically assume the worst. But, make sure you know how to effectively communicate. These tips can help, but if you’re still struggling, consider talking to a therapist or a couples counselor for help. 

Healthy communication is a cornerstone of a strong relationship. You need to be able to express yourself to your partner, even when you’re arguing. If you need a little help learning how to do that, feel free to contact me for more information or to set up an appointment.