Effective Strategies for Becoming a Better Listener in Your Relationship

Communication is the cornerstone of every relationship. Without solid, healthy communication skills, you and your partner are likely to struggle. You’ll have a hard time understanding each other’s needs and wants. You’ll also be more likely to resent each other since negative emotions will undoubtedly get buried rather than coming to the surface for you to talk about them. 

While expressing yourself in a relationship is important, communication is a two-way street. It’s about more than just speaking. 

In order to effectively communicate with your partner, you have to learn to be a better listener. That doesn’t mean simply “hearing” what your partner has to say. Rather, it involves actively listening to their needs, wants, opinions, and concerns, and showing them that they matter and their words are important. 

There is almost always room for improvement when it comes to being an active listener. Let’s cover a few strategies you can implement in your relationship. 

Get Rid of Distractions

People lead busy lives. Maybe you and your partner work a lot and have different schedules. Maybe you’re married with children and your kids take up most of your free time. Or, maybe something as simple as technology is distracting you from effective communication in your relationship. 

One of the best ways to show your partner that you’re listening is to eliminate distractions. Schedule time to talk without the risk of anyone interrupting. Give them your full attention when they’re speaking. Put the phone down and shut the television off. 

When you’re talking about something that’s important to you, how would you feel if your partner was scrolling through Instagram? You’d likely assume they weren’t really paying attention and didn’t care. Keep that in mind the next time they want to talk, and devote your attention to them completely. 

Use Nonverbal Language

You don’t want to interrupt your partner when they’re speaking, but that doesn’t mean you can’t show them you’re engaged in other ways. Use body language to your advantage. 

First, make sure your body is facing them directly. Lean in at times. Keep eye contact. Nod when your partner makes a point so they know you understand. This kind of nonverbal language lets them know you’re engaged, but it also encourages them to keep going. 

Your posture and what you do with your body can tell your partner a lot, even if you don’t say a word. Don’t cross your arms over your chest or lean back too far. Try to keep yourself open so your partner feels invited and encouraged to say more. 

Ask Questions

Of course, you don’t have to be completely silent to be an active listener. Consider things like repeating certain words or phrases your partner says for clarification. Ask questions. Make sure they clarify anything you might be confused about. 

This tells them you were listening intently. It also lets them know you’re truly thinking about what they have to say and you want to make sure you get everything right before offering any feedback or your own opinion. Asking questions can also get them to open up more and feel more comfortable with vulnerability. 

Show Respect and Don’t Judge

You might not always agree with everything your partner says. But, you should still approach active listening without judgment. They need to feel safe opening up to you. The less judged they feel, the more likely they’ll be to keep opening up in the future. 

Additionally, when they feel respected as you listen, they’re likely to give you the same respect when you speak. That leads to healthy, effective communication where both people feel heard and validated. Put these strategies into practice, and you’ll quickly see how much stronger your relationship communication can be. Learn how couples counseling can help your relationship. Contact me to set up an appointment today.