How To Stop Repeating Relationship Mistakes
As wonderful as relationships can be, they can also be intimidating and scary. Maybe past relationships have left you feeling guarded and untrusting about new partners. Alternatively, you may have been actively working to improve your current relationship but seem stuck in the same negative patterns.
Learning from past mistakes, unfortunately, is one of the most intimidating components of any relationship. It takes a great deal of introspection that can sometimes make us feel uncomfortable. While this isn’t easy, it’s a necessary evil to grow as individuals.
How To Stop Repeating Past Relationship Mistakes
Take Responsibility
It’s fairly easy to blame others when it comes to our relationships. This blame is completely justified in some cases, so take this section with a grain of salt.
One of the first steps of personal growth is accepting your contribution to past relationships: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Generally, it’s hard for humans to admit when we have messed up on something. However, accepting responsibility does not mean you must shame yourself because of how you messed up. Instead, it’s saying, “I understand that I may have been toxic or done hurtful things in the past. How can I learn from these mistakes to be a better partner in the future?”
Show Kindness To Yourself
Maybe you have done the part of introspection and see where you made mistakes in the past. You may have realized that you lash out at your partner or say hurtful things when you get upset at them. It’s one thing to admit you messed up, but knowing where to go from there is a whole different ball game. Remember to show yourself kindness. Don’t stay in a place of shame and guilt because you have regrets.
Take Time For You
We live in a society that places a lot of emphasis on constantly being coupled with someone. We often judge people hard and assume the worst about them if they aren’t dating or in a long-term relationship. If you are in between relationships, don’t feel pressured to jump into the next one immediately. Take this time to get to know you again. Who are you, truly?
Reflect on what you want in your next relationship. What are your long-term goals? What kind of partner do you see yourself with in the future? Understanding your wants, needs, and values can help you determine what will better align with your ultimate goals. Knowing this ahead of time can also help you “weed” out the people who aren’t ultimately going to be a good match for you.
The Past Isn’t Doomed To Repeat
Maybe in the past, you were cheated on, or someone hurt you tremendously. In cases where someone else’s actions caused you a lot of suffering, it can be easy to assume that it will inevitably happen again. While the past can come back to haunt us, that doesn’t mean it always will.
It’s natural to be on guard if you were hurt in the past, but don’t put so many walls up that it prevents you from being close to someone again. In some cases, you might be able to see little red flags that you wouldn’t notice without these past negative experiences. But you should never go into any relationship assuming that the worst can happen.
Counseling
Going to therapy has become less stigmatized over the past decade. Many people go to therapy for issues such as anxiety, depression, or trauma, but those aren’t the only reasons. Just as many people try couples therapy to help them repair their relationship and move forward. Other people will go to relationship counseling, which can help them if they struggle with platonic relationships or are in between. Reach out to learn more about any of our services and how we can help you.
