What do you really want in a relationship?

Most of us have a basic idea of the kind of person we’re looking for. You might even have a detailed “list” of the qualities you want in a partner. But, have you ever considered what you want from a relationship, not necessarily a person? 

Someone could check all of the right boxes or be “good on paper,” but not fit with the relationship needs and ideals that matter to you. 

As a result, things aren’t likely to last, and that can leave you feeling down on the idea of getting into another relationship. So, it’s important to understand how to tune into what you really want in a relationship. Thankfully, it’s easier than you might think. 

Define Your Core Values

The last thing you want is to get into a relationship that forces you to compromise your values. Alternatively, you don’t want to be with someone who tries to influence you against those values. So, the first step is to identify what those values really are so you can stand firm in them. 

What matters to you? What do you believe in? Look inward for a self-evaluation, and it will be easier to determine who you are and what you really want. 

Look at Past Patterns

If you’ve been in multiple relationships that haven’t worked out, consider what caused them to end each time. Don’t think of them as a waste of your time or even suggest that they “failed.” You can learn something from every relationship if you’re willing to think about them. 

You might even notice a few unhealthy patterns from your past relationships. Maybe you have a type that isn’t good for you. Maybe there are behavioral issues you need to work on. Communication problems can also be problematic patterns. 

While it’s not easy to dive into the past, it can help you better understand what you want in a future relationship, and patterns you need to avoid. 

Look at Healthy Relationships

Are there couples in your life that you really admire? It could be your parents, grandparents, close friends, etc. What about their relationship do you look up to? Do they communicate in healthy ways? Do they show unconditional support? 

When you look at couples you admire, you’ll be able to develop an idea of the kinds of things you want in a relationship but may have never considered before. Don’t be afraid to talk to those couples and ask questions about how they make things work, and what’s important to them in their partnership. 

Prioritize What’s Non-Negotiable

No one has a perfect relationship. Having realistic expectations is important, and understanding any relationship you get into won’t look like a Hallmark movie is necessary. 

But, that doesn’t mean you can’t think about what your ideal relationship would look like. Doing so can help you determine the qualities and characteristics that are non-negotiable. Think about your perfect relationship. Imagine a scenario where you’re out with your perfect partner. What does it look like? What stands out to you? 

This simple exercise isn’t just to encourage unrealistic fantasies. Rather, it can give you insight into things you might be willing to compromise on, and things you shouldn’t have to change. 

Take Time for Yourself

One of the best things you can do to determine what you really want in a relationship is to give yourself time. 

Don’t feel like you have to jump into a new relationship quickly. Take the time to practice self-care. Prioritize your well-being with things like sleep, a healthy diet, and physical activity. Try journaling, mindfulness, and meditation for your mental health. The more self-aware and healthy you are, inside and out, the more confident you’ll be as you step into your next relationship. 

Beginning therapy can help you figure out what you’re looking for in a relationship, feel free to contact me to set up an appointment.

Or if your relationship could use a little TLC see how couples therapy can help your relationship.