What Is Gottman Couples Therapy and How Can It Help Your Relationship?

Whether you’re trying to improve your relationship and connection or you feel like things are rocky and you’re looking for a way to heal as a couple, Gottman therapy can help. 

The Gottman method was created by Dr. John Gottman. It’s a type of couples therapy that focuses on the elements of a healthy relationship. Everything within this method is backed by research, allowing Dr. Gottman to develop something called the Sound Relationship House Theory. 

Couples can utilize this theory to move through the “floors” of their relationship and better understand where their foundation and load-bearing walls reside. Being able to visualize your relationship in this way can make it easier to understand each other and your relationship. 

Let’s take a look at some aspects of Gottman couples therapy, so you can determine whether it’s right for your relationship. 

Building Techniques

As you go through the Gottman method and focus on the Sound Relationship House Theory, you’ll start by building love maps. This gives you a look into your partner’s world and serves as a sort of road map to learning about each other. 

Speaking of which, that’s the next level — sharing admiration. Sometimes, you can get so caught up in the “negative” parts of a relationship that you forget to share how fond you are of your partner. 

As you go through these levels, you’ll sit facing each other, rather than looking away. This is an important part of the process, as it helps you pick up on your partner’s nonverbal cues and lets you know when they want your attention. Sometimes, you can learn more from someone’s body language than their actual words. 

Dealing with Conflict

Once you’ve established a positive mindset about your partner and your relationship, you can move on to managing conflict. Gottman requires three things of partners as they go through this step. 

First, you have to consider your partner’s feelings. Remember that you’re on the same team, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Second, you’ll learn effective ways to talk about your problems without getting into a negative argument. You’ll also learn how to “cool off” when you’re feeling overwhelmed in a conflict. Self-soothing techniques can keep you from saying something you’ll later regret. 

Supporting Each Other

As you continue to work through the floors, you’ll learn how to support each other’s goals and find shared meaning in your psychological worlds. This is another opportunity for you to realize that you and your partner are a unit. You might do things a bit differently. But, you can compromise to achieve some goals together while supporting each other’s separate goals along the way. 

Perhaps the most important load-bearing walls of this method are working on trust and commitment. Trust is one of the most important factors in a healthy relationship. Being able to trust your partner, no matter the situation, can make it easier to work together when things are difficult. 

Is the Gottman Method Right for You? 

Gottman couples therapy can help with a variety of issues. You don’t have to wait until your relationship is on the rocks to work with a Gottman therapist. Whether you find that you’re arguing all the time, you can’t communicate well, or even something like infidelity has come into your relationship, Gottman therapy will help you take actionable steps toward resolving conflicts and replacing negative patterns in your relationship with positive ones. 

Perhaps the best part about this type of therapy is that it teaches you long-term skills you can use in your relationship for years to come. So, if you’re ready to break free from the negative habits that have been throwing a wrench in your partnership, don’t hesitate to reach out today to set up 15 mins free consultation and learn more about Gottman couples therapy. 

By: Brooke Zalis